Back when our tree became an art installation, we finally caved and decided that we should pay to get it cut back professionally. After asking around and looking on Angie's list, in the end we gave the job to our gardener. He's nice, he's competent, he was the lowest bidder. Done. It occurred to me a few days after our tree was denuded that maybe this presented a bit of a conflict of interest. The guy who we paid to blow away the fallen leaves was now put in charge of cutting off limbs and branches from said tree. So maaaaybe he took off more branches than someone else would have? Should he have recused himself from the job, like an Arizona federal judge?
Other than being a conflict of interest, that little story really has nothing to do with what I wanted to write about when I started this post, which is, um, birth... philosophy? I don't know what to call it. Drugs or no drugs.
Given my career and my academic training, I am generally all in favor of modern medicine. When this all started, I was like, "Epidural? Who wants pain? Bring it on." Fetal monitors make sure things are okay, pitocin make things move faster, sure why not? The one thing I have always been leery of is having a c-section, mostly because the recovery period would make taking care of a newborn more challenging.
Then a co-worker recommended a book called Your Best Birth, by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein. These authors also produced a documentary a few years ago called The Business of Being Born, which I have not seen, but I have heard was pretty controversial. I also remembered a post that my friend Kim wrote on the subject, and so I went in to the reading of the book cautiously, sort of expecting to be confronted with brainwashing, yet arming myself against it. Kind of like when Bill turns on FoxNews.
Only... it sort of worked on me. The book is very pro-natural-birth, pro-home-birth, pro-midwife, pro-doula, and it posits that if you have your baby in a hospital you are going to be dealing with nurses who won't listen and you'll end up on your back and having a c-section whether you need one or not. Seriously, it uses very emotional writing to make you feel pretty s***ty about wanting to have your baby in a hospital.
So I didn't drink ALL of the Kool-Aid. I am still firmly planning on giving birth in a hospital. I don't think I would ever want to give birth at home (mostly because of the yuck factor), but it definitely made a convincing case for using a midwife then delivering at a birth center. (Maybe next time.) But this book. It really has me freaked about any sort of hospital intervention, like any little thing (e.g. artificially breaking the bag of waters to "move things along") is going to lead to a cascade of other things that will ultimately lead to a c-section. Which I really don't want, but now I don't want it for a host of OTHER reasons BESIDES the recovery time.
I want this little guy to have the best entry into the world that I can give him. I keep reading (other places besides this book) about two things specifically, and both would be unavailable to me/us if I had a c-section. The first is the skin-on-skin thing, plus attempting to breastfeed immediately following delivery. My hospital is very pro-skin-on-skin, but not if you have a c-section. If you have a c-section, they're stitching you up during that time, and you need to lie still, so no baby bonding for at least an hour. The second is the thing about how a vaginal birth is less traumatic for the baby because it's like one big massage. I'm simplifying, but it has something to do with hormones and blah blah, and the baby doesn't get that benefit if he's delivered via c-section. I'm sure there are other reasons; I just keep coming back to these two.
So, in the interest of best birth for my baby, I'm having anxiety about being pushed into interventions I don't want. I'd like to say I don't have much problem being confrontational, but I also like strangers to like me, and there have been occasions where I've been polite rather than pushing for what I want. Especially in situations like this. Because who knows more - the know-it-all who read ONE book about the subject? Or the L&D nurse who has been doing this for 30 years? Who am I to say what's going to help my natural labor along vs. land me in the OR?
So right now, my plan (in my head) is for a drug-free birth in a hospital.
On the flip side, after reading this book, I then TIVO'd an episode of A Baby Story on TLC (yeah they still have that show). In this episode, the mom is also going for a natural birth in a hospital, in one of those birthing tubs. (They don't have those at my hospital.) And she COMPLETELY LOSES HER SH*T. I mean, evennnntually she does it, but wow. I do not know if I have the mental constitution to hold up against that. And I don't want to be so out of it that I can't help things along.
And then there was the comment from my doctor a few weeks ago about how I'm going to have a big baby. That sort of floats above my head. Is it going to cause the doctor to want to induce early (which, according to Your Best Birth, will pretty much guarantee I get a c-section since "the baby's not naturally ready yet")? Or if I do go in to labor naturally, am I going to feel pressured to cave to a c-section if the labor doesn't go smoothly ("He's too big to fit through" is another "lie" that hospitals tell mothers that land them with c-sections... according to the book)?
In short, I'm interested in not having a c-section. But I'm also interested in not having so much pain that I'm not mentally present. And I'm also interested in giving this baby his best possible entrance to the world. And I'm also interested in trusting medical professionals who know more than me. And I'm also interested in not having to fight the VBAC fight for future births.
Sigh. I'm conflicted. I need to go back to reading books with pictures of shoes on their pink covers.
In the meantime, here's a picture of the belly at 32 weeks and 1 day. I hate my new haircut - that's why it's under the hat. It looks like Carol Brady, the mullet years.
